Improprieties of the enlightened Malayali

Malayali has always prided himself for his enlightened culture, tolerance, and sense of fairness.
Not always implemented of course. But on the whole, commonsense prevail. Fingers crossed.
So I am hoping tht we will wake up from this stupor too.
I am talking about our social media activities. The posting and the sharing of events and incidents that happen around the world. Informative, funny, many of those do expand our horizons, grant us exposure to a whole new world, a world which was so remote, so alien to us once upon a time. So what there are too many fake stuff among them all? In the end, we hope the good will outweigh the bad. Because I do believe in the enormous power of this awesome and awful machine to educate, to awaken and to democratize us. And it is all so easy to access too! Even those who till the other day looked down on modernity, on art, music and literature, people who were literate but were afraid of imagination and creativity and just plain humor, are all on a sudden clicking away to glory! Of course, many of those same folks in between were hit by a tremendous surge of guilt and fear too. Are we supposed to have fun with this? Are we supposed to be happy? Or free? Isnt that sinful?
And sure enough there are those cunning dividers lurking around who will now make sure that people don't get too cozy or too friendly, aren't there? They have to take back control, the power. Not too much of the democratization. So then comes the religious  and political sharings and postings and so on.

Enough with the preamble. What made me write this right now is a post that I did not see. A post that was, thankfully, not shared with me. There have been other posts like this. But this one is too close to home. A person related to me, distantly, but since we all live not that far apart back home, he is someone we know really well. I remember him even though I have not seen him in a long time. It is from my mother that I learn that he had taught me a little when I was very young. And that is why she let me know of his passing away. It was a shock to her as he was younger than her, and the manner of death was sudden and obviously, tragic. He was on his way to  a visit to his doctor along with his brother in law. Both lost their lives in a horrible traffic accident. Very sad, a great loss, especially to his family. But what was  disturbing was that someone recorded the accident, including images of the person lying dead, with his clothes in disarray, you can imagine the rest. And he posted it on social media. When I listened to this, I was taken aback by the total lack of respect for the dead man, for his family, for the dignity of a human life. This did not happen in a big city. Actually it happened not far from his home. It is a small place where eveyone knows everyone. I know this is common now all over the world. Newspapers and tabloids have done this all along and now the internet is full of these kinds of news. Well, that is how our attention is captured by the media to events that should shock us. Freedom of speech, freedom of expression in full active mode. For good, for bad, for fun, for a whim.

But this is on a kind of personal level, a first for me.I can't imagine what goes on in the minds of those who relish posts like this. Just because something is easy to do, just a click, it doesn't mean you have to do it. These kind of posts do not  add to our knowledge or understanding of the world or of our fellow human beings. It does not make us look smarter or more worldly wise, nor does it help advance the frontiers of human civilization. But still many dismiss basic human sensitivities and record such private, intimate events, and post, and others fall into the trap of "sharing". Of course many do it for the money. How easy has it become to feel that we are important , intelligent and  aware of what is happening around us through a little click! Because that is what all the sharing means in the end.

But what was even more shocking and disgusting and shameful was the fact this post was shared by my own relatives. Why? Maybe they have convinced themselves that they are doing this to share the pain, to understand the awful tragedy, or is it a scare tactic on someone's part? Showing others that this is what happens to all in the end? As if no one knows that already! Or is it plain meanness or just plain ignorance?Maybe I am wrong to feel this anger and sadness and shame? Maybe this is the norm? I don't know, all I know is that there should be some line which we shouldn't cross. Some boundary that we need to keep. That there should be respect, and the knowledge that some acions are inappropriate, improper. To me, this is disaster porn. A callous disregard for the feelings of others.

Would be great if we shared our love, not inflict pain and insult on others. At least be aware that this is not an alien, isolated being who lies dead there. To remember that he is someone's son, father, husband, brother, someone's relative, friend ... Would be nice if we stopped and thought about it a bit  before posting or sharing something like this. And that goes for me too. Malayalis can do better than this, we don't have to copy the bad stuff from around the world, there are plenty of good stuff that we can copy, that we can aspire to.

And I record my regret and sadness that this person's  family have been subjected to this cruelty, this indignity, in their time of  loss and sorrow.

race and gender

race vs gender and other related issues

Having lived this long, one thing I am sure of is that it is almost impossible for all women to unite. I am stating some by now obvious facts here, maybe. Starting with our personal relationships, depending on where we are geographically, many of us are conditioned by our patriarchal culture to please others, please men and/or other powerful authority figures, and also to compete against other women for the attention of a man. Then there are those of us who are plagued by the “ I am not a feminist, but....” syndrome. Again, that fear and need for approval is behind that.

Next, there is the envious, begrudging group. (Now this is applicable to all humans, not just to women.) Not just envy, but the strong desire to see the subject of our envy bite the dust, be hurt badly , or even die. She or he may not have done anything good or bad to you, but just the fact that s/he exists, or that she is successful gets to you. Greed, and the uncontrolled longing for their lives, to grab what is theirs, to conquer and possess. The very obvious example is colonialism. But this is all around, again, within our immediate circles, and this plays out in gender and race areas too. These days, especially with the booming social media, and the celebrity culture, people seem to be lessinhibited in displaying this kind of hatred. But then this is the same envy that makes some men commit atrocities against women. A milder but still destructive form of this occurs in our personal relationships too. Now, if you venture into in-law territory, unless there is some sort of miracle, you can say goodbye to female sisterhood! Along with this goes the entitled group, which believes that they are the only ones that deserve anything good, deserve to win all the time. Class differences play a big role here too.

Now let us assume all this can be overlooked when it comes to a common cause, say, child abuse. Soon something even more elemental comes in. The past. History. (Now, when we talk about history, or racist and sexist historical figures, we could say that they were products of their times. Even Gandhi was said to be racist towards Africans in the early days. But later when he experienced racism from the whites, he realized his mistake. But there are a few who trascended the values of their times, which is incredible).

So, Unresolved issues from the past. Race. When Oprah, the great advocate for women, supported Barack Obama rather than Hillary Clinton, I realized that race won. Granted, there are times when gender and race issues unite, but not always. When I listened to Mruduladevi’s speech yesterday, (shamefully, I have to admit that is the first time I heard that voice, by which I mean, their story, or a small part of it, in their own voice, words) I became aware again that the past is coming to wake us up, that mere gender membership is not enough for women to unite. So much pain and anger of a whole group has to be addressed. If, even in this age, I say, ”us and them”, when I talk about my countrymen, something is seriously wrong.After all, if we went back far enough, we may find that we are all related -- yes, upper and lower castes, North and South, Hindu and Christian and Muslim and Parsee.

Listening to that speech made me feel guilty, ashamed , and rightly so. But I also felt a sense of futility, and a feeling that I had no right to say anything in the face of this powerful collective experience. Or rather whatever I say would be inadequate or worse, patronizing. But then if all of us feared that or more unpleasantness, and kept quiet, we will never come close to unity. We have to talk. Dialogue.Add to this, the other big big divider - religion. Divisions within religions. Catholics, do not be complacent. “Upper caste” “ first Christians turned Catholics” apparently threw the Holy wafer at the “low caste” “new converts”during Mass — learned that from Mruduladevi’s speech. We still do not even think of marital relationships with the Dalits. (They may not want it either, I am sure , but again, it is the principle).

Even though the Indian Constitution calls for secularism, the patriarchal culture will not relinquish its mighty weapon of controlling the masses, amassing wealth for themselves and their allies in the political and business world. Another important function of religion is of course, to keep women in their place. And many of us do fall for it, or have no other way, we are so intimidated by it all. And no one wants be a pariah, which means it is no longer just gender, but class and race too. Because think about it, we know what religions can do to pariahs - the outcasts, the so-called low caste,to widows, to orphans. 

Note: finally, if we have a handful of girl friends who gets you, and with whom we can be ourselves, then count yourself lucky. Thank goodness for small blessings!

Taste of a pioneer Thanksgiving November 5 2018

An early Thanksgiving and a culinary history lesson :
This weekend we visited the pioneer homestead in a forest preserve nearby. It is a replica of an early settler’s home. A few ladies organized and hosted the wonderful throwback Thanksgiving dinner. As I was looking for a pared down Thanksgiving this year,( I agree, the previous ones were progressively becoming excessive! due to many reasons 😋), the visit was doubly helpful and timely. But above all, the short trip was very satisfying - the curvy road through the autumn hued forest, a river flowing along the side, the deer peeking through the trees and darting across at times, all leading to the little wood cabin.

Like a fairy tale setting, with the tall yellow leaved trees and ravines in the background, the little cabin sat daintily in the clearing. The little front porch with its wooden benches invited us in to the golden warmth of the house. The soft light of candles added to the ambience. This apparently used to be the main room with its wood floors and fireplace. There were cast iron pots hanging over the fire in the hearth, in which a soup with locally picked mushroom and herbs, and a persimmon bread pudding was getting cooked. A wooden staircase led to the loft/attic like area upstirs. It had a small window overlooking the forest. There were looms, churns, and other home appliances displayed here.

Outside, close to the house is a little vegetable patch. A little away, in a Dutch oven with fire over and underneath, a chunk of venison was being slowly cooked along with carrots, parsnips and celery. There were heavenly corn fritters, and cranberry sauce , all cooked the old fashioned way. The bread was homemade and it had homemade goat cheese on it. There were walnuts, pecans, and chestnuts, all available back then in the area. Even the persimmons are from around there!

The gracious ladies, all dressed in period costumes explained that in a mid level household in the 1800s, a typical Thanksgiving dinner consisted of pork, and wild fowl like goose and duck. Turkey was not that much prevalent. Apples were, and so were squashes and beans and nuts, and of course, bread. They liked vegetables in a creamy sauce too.

This lead me to read further about old Thanksgivings, say, around the 1600s, when even the current staples like potatoes, wheat flour , cranberries, and sweet potatoes were absent. That took me to the 1800s, and to Sarah Josepha Hale, an editor of a ladies magazine who tirelessly worked to bring about the modern Thanksgiving traditions. Amazing . Amazing woman! She convinced President Lincoln to declare the Thanksgiving day as a holiday, pointing out that it will unify the Civil War ravaged country. Do read about her. (Btw, her Thanksgiving menu shows that I still have scope to expand my menu! Thankfully, I will follow the Midwest one, more similar to this little cabin one)

All along, that little cabin reminds me, we dont really need that much, do we? A little place with not much ”stuff” so that when we leave we dont leave as much debris for others to sift through. And that fire! That, I am sure would have awakened some shared, warm, collective memories from our buried primeval pasts in the minds of all those who came there!

And what an engaging way to preserve and share the history of a place! This of course is not a rarity here. Wish we did something like this back home!